Guidance from Christina Wade, LCSW
Entering couples therapy can be both hopeful and nerve-wracking. Many partners arrive at this step after months, or even years, of struggling to communicate, feeling distant, or repeating painful patterns. Making the decision to reach out for help is not a sign of failure; it’s a courageous move toward healing and growth.
Christina Wade, LCSW, a licensed clinical social worker with nearly 20 years of experience, emphasizes that couples therapy isn’t just about “fixing what’s broken.” It’s about understanding one another deeply, building empathy, and creating space for authentic connection. Her trauma-informed and LGBTQ+ affirming approach ensures that every couple feels seen, respected, and supported, no matter what challenges they’re facing.
If you’re preparing for your first session, here are ten thoughtful questions to reflect on, or even discuss with your therapist, to make the most out of your experience. . These are also some of the most important questions to ask before couples therapy begins.
1. What Are We Hoping to Achieve Through Couples Therapy?
Before beginning therapy, it helps to clarify what each partner hopes to gain. Some couples come in wanting to rebuild trust after a rupture; others simply want to communicate more effectively or reconnect emotionally.
Christina often reminds clients that “clarity creates direction.” Knowing your shared and individual goals helps your therapist tailor sessions to your needs. You don’t have to have everything figured out—just an honest understanding of what brought you here.
For example, one partner might want to feel heard, while the other wants fewer arguments. When both perspectives are shared, therapy can focus on aligning these goals into a collaborative path forward.
2. What Patterns Keep Repeating in Our Relationship?
Couples often notice that the same conflicts resurface in different forms—about chores, finances, intimacy, or time. Beneath these topics usually lie deeper themes: unmet needs, lack of validation, fear of rejection, or difficulty feeling safe.
Christina helps partners identify these cycles with compassion, not blame. Using evidence-based approaches like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), she guides couples in recognizing how their reactions are shaped by past experiences and emotional triggers.
By understanding the “why” behind recurring arguments, couples can move from defensiveness to curiosity—a major shift that opens space for healing.
3. How Do We Communicate When We’re Hurt or Angry?
Many people think communication is about talking—but it’s equally about listening and understanding tone, timing, and intent. Christina often helps couples unpack their communication habits: shutting down, interrupting, raising voices, or using silence as a defense.
In therapy, she encourages partners to slow down conversations and express emotions with honesty and respect. This means replacing “You never listen to me” with “I feel unheard when I’m interrupted.” Small shifts like this can change the entire emotional tone of a relationship.
Before your first session, consider how you currently express anger or disappointment. What would it look like to express those feelings without creating distance? Reflecting on questions to ask before couples therapy can help you prepare emotionally.
4. What Strengths Do We Bring to This Relationship?
Couples therapy isn’t just about problems—it’s also about recognizing what’s already working. Every couple has strengths: loyalty, humor, patience, shared dreams, or the ability to support one another through challenges.
Christina begins her sessions by exploring these positive foundations. She believes that honoring what’s strong helps couples navigate what’s difficult. It reminds partners that they’re not adversaries but teammates trying to rebuild something meaningful.
Take a few moments to reflect on what you love and appreciate about your partner. These strengths can become the very tools that help you repair and reconnect.
5. How Has Our Past Shaped Our Relationship?
Each partner enters a relationship with their own story—family influences, cultural expectations, and past wounds. Sometimes, old experiences resurface in subtle ways: a partner’s silence feels like rejection because it echoes a childhood memory of being ignored.
Christina’s trauma-informed approach helps couples explore how these histories shape their current dynamics. She creates a safe space where each partner can unpack old hurts without judgment. The goal is not to dwell on the past but to understand it—so it no longer controls the present.
Reflecting on your upbringing or past relationships before therapy can provide valuable insight into the emotions that drive your reactions.These reflections fit perfectly among questions to ask before couples therapy.
6. Are We Open to Taking Responsibility?
Therapy works best when both partners are willing to look inward. It’s easy to focus on what the other person is doing wrong—but growth happens when each person asks, “What can I do differently?”
Christina often says, “Accountability is love in action.” Taking responsibility doesn’t mean taking all the blame; it means owning your part in the dynamic and being open to change.
During therapy, you might discover moments where you’ve reacted defensively or shut down emotionally. Acknowledging these patterns is the first step toward creating a more balanced, compassionate relationship.
7. How Comfortable Are We Being Vulnerable?
Vulnerability is the heart of intimacy. It’s what allows couples to move from surface-level discussions to real emotional connection. Yet for many people, being vulnerable feels risky—especially if they’ve been hurt before.
Christina fosters an environment where vulnerability feels safe, not forced. Through gentle, collaborative work, she helps partners express emotions they may have hidden for years—grief, fear, longing, or love.
Before your first session, ask yourself: What do I struggle to share with my partner? What would it mean to let them see that part of me? Vulnerability may be uncomfortable, but it’s also the gateway to deeper trust. This reflection is one of the most important questions to ask before couples therapy.
8. How Do We Handle Conflict and Repair Afterward?
Conflict is inevitable in any relationship, but what truly matters is how couples repair afterward. Do you apologize? Do you withdraw? Do you sweep things under the rug?
Christina teaches couples the art of repair—how to rebuild connection after an argument instead of letting resentment grow. Using mindfulness and emotionally focused strategies, she helps partners learn to pause, reflect, and re-engage with empathy.
One of the most powerful shifts couples experience in therapy is realizing that conflict doesn’t have to be destructive. When handled well, it can actually strengthen intimacy.
9. Are We Ready to Commit to the Process?
Couples therapy is not a quick fix—it’s a journey. Real change takes patience, practice, and honesty. Christina encourages couples to view therapy as a space of ongoing growth, where progress may come in small but meaningful steps.
Sessions often last 50 minutes and may take place weekly or biweekly, depending on each couple’s goals. Christina provides a blend of structure and flexibility, tailoring each session to the couple’s emotional pace.
Ask yourself: Are we both ready to show up, even when it’s uncomfortable? Commitment to the process is what turns insight into transformation. This belongs on every list of questions to ask before couples therapy.
10. How Will We Know If Therapy Is Working?
Therapy progress can look different for everyone. Some couples notice early changes, less tension, more openness, or a renewed sense of hope. For others, healing unfolds more slowly.
Christina helps couples define what “success” means for them. It might not always be about staying together, it could mean learning to communicate respectfully, finding closure, or building emotional independence.
Throughout the process, she checks in regularly, ensuring that therapy continues to feel relevant and empowering. As she often says, “The goal is not perfection, it’s connection.”
What to Expect in Your First Session
At your first couples therapy session, Christina begins by learning about your relationship’s history, communication patterns, and the challenges you’ve been facing. She creates a warm, collaborative environment where both partners can speak freely without fear of judgment.
She might ask about what brought you to therapy, what you hope to achieve, and how you currently handle conflict or intimacy. The first session isn’t about assigning blame, it’s about understanding the story of your relationship from both sides.
Christina integrates evidence-based methods like CBT, DBT, and Mindfulness-Based Therapy, always adapting her approach to suit each couple’s needs. Whether she’s working with partners navigating trust issues, life transitions, or emotional distance, her goal remains the same: to help couples rediscover connection through compassion and clarity.
Why Working with Christina Wade Makes a Difference
With nearly two decades of experience, Christina combines professional expertise with genuine empathy. Her work is deeply rooted in inclusivity, particularly for LGBTQ+ individuals and couples who often seek affirming, non-judgmental spaces for healing.
She understands that every relationship has its own rhythm, and she honors that by meeting clients where they are. Her approach blends insight, humor, and authenticity, reminding couples that therapy isn’t about fixing each other, it’s about learning to love with awareness.
Final Thoughts
Couples therapy is a powerful space for renewal. It’s where love meets honesty, and where understanding replaces blame. Asking the right questions before your first session can help you approach therapy with clarity, courage, and compassion.
Christina Wade, LCSW, believes that every couple, no matter how stuck or disconnected, has the capacity to heal. With a warm, trauma-informed presence and evidence-based guidance, she helps partners move from frustration to connection, from disconnection to closeness.
If you and your partner are ready to take that first step toward understanding each other again, Christina offers a free 15-minute consultation to explore whether working together feels like the right fit.
Sometimes, it’s just time, to pause, to listen, to rebuild. And with the right support, love can become something even stronger than before.
